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Archive for January 22nd, 2008

Finally!!! A candidate for president finally said it. Let’s update the constitution to be in line with god’s laws. I couldn’t agree more. Kudos to Mike Huckabee for saying what so many have been thinking for so long. It is time to throw out the constitution, time to start over with an even older document, the Bible.

It is time for state sponsored religion.

I know, I know. Quite a few people are going to read this and think somebody hacked into my blog. They didn’t. Nor have I been struck by lighting, possessed by the Holy Spirit, or had my livelihood threatened by the establishment.

I just happen to agree with Mr. Huckabee that the constitution should be updated to agree with the bible. Mine.

Did I happen to mention that detail earlier? Well, I am now. Let me clarify, the constitution of the United States should be brought into alignment with god and the bible. Mine, in both cases.

Once more, my God, and my Bible.

Now, for those who know me, or think they do, you may recognize I belong to a UU (Unitarian-Universalist) Fellowship here in Fairbanks, Alaska. I recognize that UU’s exist on the fringe of Christianity, so we don’t necessarily endorse our own version of the Bible.

Whoa, whoa , whoa, before anybody gets upset, let me explain.

My roots are Catholic.

You bet, you read that correctly. Catholic. We should bring the Constitution into alignment with the Catholic bible. Now, before all you protestants get upset out there, remember, we are all Christians here. And what’s a protestantism but an unruly child of Catholicism. Some are more unruly than others but that’s what confession is for.

Come on, it is the oldest christian church, it brought humanity through the dark ages, and would have kept us there if you protestants hadn’t come along. Catholicism existed when churches had power, when non-believers (like Unitarian-Universalists) could be burned at the stake. What more could you ask for than absolute power to the church?

It was only after the reformation that the world went to hell, and you protestants are to blame. I mean, we had things under control. Along comes a few splinter groups, BANG!!, there goes the Renaissance. Certainly, Catholics did get some great art and buildings out of that. But somewhere along the line people started thinking; for themselves no less. Unacceptable.

And here we are today. We have a chance to set us back at least 500 years. We only need the chicks to gather under the hen, the flock to come home to roost, so on and so forth.

For the Pope’s benefit, I want to make it clear that while I said the Catholic Bible, I meant the MY Catholic Bible.

And while I’m at it, my Catholic God. (Who, despite all my attempts to exorcise him, has remained a deep and integral part of my being.)

So, all interpretations of the Bible and God will have to be made by me. Sorry Mr. Pope, you’ll have to leave the comforts and wealth of the Vatican to visit me here in Alaska if you need any interpretations. And I only meet in January. Hey, don’t blame me, I’m only God’s servant.

Oh yea, can somebody tell Mike to convert? Otherwise, he’ll be in violation of the constitution (mine).

Better yet, let’s skip the elections. God can appoint the president. For life. And we can call him King. (Don’t forget, my God speaks through me. Donations freely accepted for those who like to be considered.)

I’ll begin making modifications to the constitution right away.

As soon as I find my bible. Oh, and for that matter my god. I seem to have lost her.

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