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Posts Tagged ‘constitution’

This is the second part of what I expect to be a series of articles where I propose aligning the constitution with god, mine. This post builds off of the first installment, which you might want to read first.

A few minutes watching TV, especially male focused TV like sports, and one gets assaulted by the advertising for ED prescriptions and male enhancements pills. The ads are more than a little suggestive, and hard to explain to my 4 and 9 year old daughters when and if they watch hockey games with me.

Nurses (Ali’s coined term for breasts, as in that is where a mommy ‘nurses’ her baby) slipping out of a top during the Super Bowl, easy to explain. A male erection, not so easy.

Thank you Ali, for adding a new term for breast to the American language. I can hear it already. (Insert surfer accent here, think Spicolly from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.) “Whoa, dude, check out those nurses!” And he isn’t talking about hospital employees either.

I digress. Lets get back to the sin at hand.

The advertisements are offensive to me, and therefore god.

A few years ago the conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was arrested when re-entering the country because he had a prescription bottle of Viagra, written for someone else. Eventually the charges were dropped, apparently the doctor had requested a different name be placed on the bottle to protect Mr. Limbaugh’s privacy. Fine, I can live with that. And god tells me she can too.

What God and I can’t live with is, regarding a little discussed fact of the case, is that RUSH LIMBAUGH WAS/IS AN UNMARRIED MAN!!!!!

An unmarried man, traveling with a prescription for Viagra, a drug meant to raise a man’s flag when they can’t do it themselves. Why would a single man go to the Dominican Republic with a prescription for ED?

Google “Dominican Republic sex industry“.

Oh, that’s why. Well that clears that up. At least the reason for the trip, if not the sordid details.

Imagine it, a conservative pundit not living up the standard he so callously pushes on everybody else. The shock. The horror.

Actually, it seems like this happens at least once a week to one of them.

I can accept a man who chooses medicine over god’s will to lower his flag. Though I find it hypocritical to trust in god then medically treat the ailments she gives you. It’s not right, but I can accept some people are less virulent (god’s will) than others and need a little man-made help.

But not if you aren’t married.

To a woman.

If you are a man.

Not a dog.

Or a cat.

Or a woman.

Dogs and cats, go read something else.

OK, I’ve confused the issue. Let me begin again, marriage between a man and woman, Viagra OK. Not good, but OK. All those other marriages, I’ll discuss in another post. Single men, NO Viagra. (Sorry Rush, god has determined you need to keep your flag in your pants.)

And so, as my first proposed amendment to the constitution, to align it with god, we shall limit the distribution of ED prescriptions to any male or female with a VALID marriage license. I, I mean god, will determine what is valid. Through me, of course. And we’ll throw in a blurb limiting all advertisements for ED drugs, and for that matter anything remotely sexual or doing with female hygiene, to C-Span. They need the viewers.

Who said god isn’t merciful?

For those of you wondering why I said females can get the prescription, let me just add that a properly subservient wife will notice when her man gets a little down, and will slip these pills to him without him knowing it. Good for his ego.

Please note, I don’t advocate this for the woman’s benefit.

Though god might, she’s big on women’s issues.

(Go figure).

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That’s right, Osama Bin Laden, his followers, his financial backers, the Taliban, and terrorists world wide are winning the war on terror. Not through brute force, or terrorist acts, but through the apathy of the American public.

9-11 was but a fuse, lit to ignite the explosive force of fear in America. Within the context of that fear, the government, led by the Bush Administration, has taken one misguided step after another, as if acting from a script written by none other than Bin Laden. 9-11 was but a ruse, a tragedy needed by Bin Laden not just to inflict terror on the victims, but to set the stage for an assault on a much larger target, our system of government and the constitution itself.

Leave no doubt in your mind, Bin Laden is winning on this front, aided by the insipid intrusions of the Bush Administration on personal rights and the 3-equal branches of government as laid out by our constitution.

Meanwhile, our judicial and legislative branches sit idly by, spinning on their thumbs. And this is with a President experiencing record lows in approval polls!!!!

The latest example of this President’s assault on our form of government took place on Wednesday, when George W. issued yet another signing statement declaring laws, yes-laws, unenforceable and in conflict with his duties as laid out by the constitution. (Excuse me for a moment, I’m choking.) See the article here. Read it while I catch my breath.

OK, I’m OK. George W. protecting the constitution always takes my breath away. Whew. I was starting to take myself a bit too seriously there.

Back to the subject, George W. said “…… the president’s ability to carry out his constitutional obligations to take care that the laws be faithfully executed ……”. Wouldn’t that imply that he was constitutionally required to enforce the laws he just said in a signing statement he would not enforce? In the short time period of a press conference and signing statement, George W. just admitted he was not doing his duty as required by law.

Furthermore, forgive me if it has been a while since my high school civics course, but isn’t the judicial branch supposed to decide what is, and what isn’t, constitutional? I realize George W. feels the court is in his hip pocket (after all, they elected him), but shouldn’t he at least follow the process dictated by LAW? The LAW that he is constitutionally obligated to enforce?

Where is the activism and outrage we saw when some of us protested the Iraq war? Isn’t the dismantling of the constitution, the time and trial tested document that has held the United States together through civil wars, world wars, the Great Depression, the Cold War, worthy of a protest in its defense? People who protested the Iraq war were “not patriots” and they “should be thrown out of the country.” Where is the anger now? When we see our freedoms, the ones our ancestor left their homelands for, violated.

Where does the apathy of the American public come into this? We sit around, watching and waiting for the next election to roll around. If we can just make until then, we’ll be OK.

Waiting for the next election is just not good enough. Who is to say a president that ignores law will abdicate the throne? Who would have thought, eight years ago, that our country would use torture in violation of law? Or have started a war? Or had laws passed by congress that are not enacted by the President (as required by, you guessed it, LAW)? Or spy upon its own citizens without just cause? And these are just some of the things we know of.

We need to impeach George W. and his cronies for violations of law. We need to reinstall law within our national order, pushing back the influence of Bin Laden, stating to the world that our government, our Constitution, is superior to their attempts at to destroy it with terror and fear. Since our congress is ineffective in standing up for our constitution, we the people must serve as their backbone, and insist upon their action.

Only then, and only then, will we return to the high regard where other countries look to us for guidance, an regard us and our government a model of success.

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Finally!!! A candidate for president finally said it. Let’s update the constitution to be in line with god’s laws. I couldn’t agree more. Kudos to Mike Huckabee for saying what so many have been thinking for so long. It is time to throw out the constitution, time to start over with an even older document, the Bible.

It is time for state sponsored religion.

I know, I know. Quite a few people are going to read this and think somebody hacked into my blog. They didn’t. Nor have I been struck by lighting, possessed by the Holy Spirit, or had my livelihood threatened by the establishment.

I just happen to agree with Mr. Huckabee that the constitution should be updated to agree with the bible. Mine.

Did I happen to mention that detail earlier? Well, I am now. Let me clarify, the constitution of the United States should be brought into alignment with god and the bible. Mine, in both cases.

Once more, my God, and my Bible.

Now, for those who know me, or think they do, you may recognize I belong to a UU (Unitarian-Universalist) Fellowship here in Fairbanks, Alaska. I recognize that UU’s exist on the fringe of Christianity, so we don’t necessarily endorse our own version of the Bible.

Whoa, whoa , whoa, before anybody gets upset, let me explain.

My roots are Catholic.

You bet, you read that correctly. Catholic. We should bring the Constitution into alignment with the Catholic bible. Now, before all you protestants get upset out there, remember, we are all Christians here. And what’s a protestantism but an unruly child of Catholicism. Some are more unruly than others but that’s what confession is for.

Come on, it is the oldest christian church, it brought humanity through the dark ages, and would have kept us there if you protestants hadn’t come along. Catholicism existed when churches had power, when non-believers (like Unitarian-Universalists) could be burned at the stake. What more could you ask for than absolute power to the church?

It was only after the reformation that the world went to hell, and you protestants are to blame. I mean, we had things under control. Along comes a few splinter groups, BANG!!, there goes the Renaissance. Certainly, Catholics did get some great art and buildings out of that. But somewhere along the line people started thinking; for themselves no less. Unacceptable.

And here we are today. We have a chance to set us back at least 500 years. We only need the chicks to gather under the hen, the flock to come home to roost, so on and so forth.

For the Pope’s benefit, I want to make it clear that while I said the Catholic Bible, I meant the MY Catholic Bible.

And while I’m at it, my Catholic God. (Who, despite all my attempts to exorcise him, has remained a deep and integral part of my being.)

So, all interpretations of the Bible and God will have to be made by me. Sorry Mr. Pope, you’ll have to leave the comforts and wealth of the Vatican to visit me here in Alaska if you need any interpretations. And I only meet in January. Hey, don’t blame me, I’m only God’s servant.

Oh yea, can somebody tell Mike to convert? Otherwise, he’ll be in violation of the constitution (mine).

Better yet, let’s skip the elections. God can appoint the president. For life. And we can call him King. (Don’t forget, my God speaks through me. Donations freely accepted for those who like to be considered.)

I’ll begin making modifications to the constitution right away.

As soon as I find my bible. Oh, and for that matter my god. I seem to have lost her.

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